I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
