We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
