I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize