On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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