I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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