I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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