You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
