I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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