come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
