Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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