Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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