I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
