Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
