I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
