i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
