I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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