Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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