theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
