My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
