Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
