Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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