I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
