But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
