Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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