So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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