haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
