i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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