dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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