I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
