I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
