I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
