lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can you bring me the toilet please
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