Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
