When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize