If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize