Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
