So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
