I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
