First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
