Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
