Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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