he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
