and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
