We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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