Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
did you just send me my own nude
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize