this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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