the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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