the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
