Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sext me about skeletons
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
