I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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