I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
