I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
honey bunches of taint.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
