Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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