I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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