i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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