I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
