you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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