for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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