my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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