I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
