you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
