I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize