What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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