every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
