Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So much Jack, so little girl.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
