He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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